I feel like a speed bump

Who's in Charge Here?

2005-03-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

All the wrong people seem to get whatever they want with no questions asked. I know the saying goes "nothing is fair", but to actually come to realize that it is true in every case has made me somewhat ill. I was listening to NPR as usual today when new information on Terri Schiavo came across the radio, I can only imagine what her parents and relatives are going through and I pray to God that I never end up in this same situation. Today marks her fifth day without a feeding tube or water, the doctor projected she would live one to two weeks without these necessities; had her parents won the appeal against her greedy husband, she would not be suffering from starvation right now. Why should this woman suffer due to her husband not wanting her to live?, and why doesn't her husband want her to live? In my opinion her husband just wants her money that she has left and undoubtedly has a few insurance policies on her, if she dies he gets just about everything. How is it fair that her husband gets to make the decisions when her parents are and have been by her side, they have raised this girl to a woman and now they cannot even have a say on her future. Parents are your parents forever, husbands may come and go. We now have a woman that is suffering, after she has suffered so long with the brain damage already, why should she suffer more? Once again the question is, where's the justice? Let me introduce my train of thought on this topic; Prisoners facing the death penalty: these elite group of people that have been put on death row and are guilty of their crimes probably deserve to be there. If it was murder that was committed, they have destroyed numerous lives, tortured innocent people that did not deserve it. They now sit in prison, food, water, shelter, and clothing are provided as well as some recreational benefits in many prisons, needless to say they are well taken care of during their stay ( this is however subject to the "prison pimps"). When their time has finally come to face death, the government decides to either gas or electrocute them (if there are any other ways I am not totally aware due to lack of knowledge on topic) needless to say there are not days of torture, it usually is a relatively quick procedure. In this case we have an innocent woman starving, even though I don't have the slightest clue what starving does to the body but I know when I don't eat when I need to it's not a pleasant feeling. In my opinion the almighty dollar determines everything, and the situation the country is in right now means that those dollars are in the hands of all the wrong people and no one seems to care.

2005-03-16T14:11:00.000-05:00

Another day another dollar. I have been trying to save up money and pay off my bills, which if you really know me, you would know that for me that's a huge task. I have officially opened a new account and have neatly kept my register up to date and get this, I made sure I still have money in the bank, no more overdrafting for me. It feels a tiny bit invigorating to be semi caught up on bills and stuff, I actually feel a tiny bit more mature. It's odd how quickly my view changed on finances. I mean I know I am only 23, still living at home, but I do have some serious debt, well under 2,000.00, that's serious to someone who doesn't own a home and has never had to pay for anything in her life before. I seriously need to think about saving up cash and moving out of the house. It's about damned time I took responsibilty for something besides my make-up. For those of you with life experience out there please feel free to tell me how big of a baby I am, but leave some good advice along with it please. Also if anyone would like to be a part of the Eric's Insulin Fund, please feel free to contact me. The Scenario: Neither Eric nor myself have jobs that offer medical insurance, therefore we have no prescription coverage for certain daily meds, nor do we have office visit coverage, this means we cannot attend a visit with the doctor because we both make under 25,000 a year and cannot afford a 150 office visit every 3 months, therefore we cannot attain samples of the medication. It's a lose-lose situation. I can go without my daily meds, but as for him he's insulin dependent and is running out of the last of his inventory. To pay cash for these insulin products is a little overwhelming due to the fact that a 10mL vial costs 65 bucks and would only last him a week if that. So please make checks payable to Amanda Michael and contact me for more info. Thanks for your support, receive a free pin with your donation today!

Ahhhh...vinyl........

2005-03-08T19:15:00.000-05:00

I found the most extraordinary sofa the other day. I was shopping at St Vincent De Paul which is a thrift shop where I buy most of my accent pieces, so far I have been successful by finding a ceiling hung Tiffany lamp, a vintage Playboy ashtray, some awesome tumblers for Erics' )really mine) bar. I recently found a 60's black vinyl couch with a pull out bed, for seventy bucks, in perfect condition. I am naming it the smoking couch, although no smoking will take place on this sofa. I am now in search of a hookah pipe, ebay has some good deals on them, no I don't want to smoke out of it, it is a piece of art to me and with the way I want my future house to look with the sofa, it's an essential piece. On another note, as usual I worked today, can't stress how much I love my job once again. (cough cough,sarcasim) I'm looking forward to this weekend, last weekend was uneventful, maybe some karaoke maybe a concert who knows, hopefully a coffee house. I am now hooked on espresso or a "Tinny Puppy" as they call it at the Grind which consists of 2 shot espresso and 1 part coffee.

Espresso and a clove...

2005-03-06T00:37:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh it's March already? Ok time to update, Februrary was the absolute shittiest month. Grandparents were sick, problems with work and money, problems with men. Valentine's Day was alright, I usually don't do much anyways, hopefully St. Patty's day will be more eventful, although I highly doubt it. I think I have just about had my fill with older married men hitting on me. I get a call at work the other day about a patient's bill, I'm not overly nice or anything to this guy but he sounded cute and was over polite to me and offered me to lunch (this was before I had his chart in my hand and knew that he was 30something and married). I call him back after figuring out a complication with the bill and he asks me out again and I made it clear that I knew he was married and could and would not do that. For some reason this turned him on I was told I had a sexy voice, he wants to take me out, I'm turning him on and he wants to spank me. No I am not kidding, I really truly wish I was on this one. What married man calls up a girl he doesn't know and asks if we can have a spanking session. Either way I am in hiding in the office now. Had a good night tonight, took the bro up to Dearborn Music for some culture in what a real music store looks like. We then hit the City Coffee House in Allen Park, which is a "real" coffee house with "real" artists,punks and beatnicks. I managed to buy four new cd's tonight, Head Automatica, My Chemical Romance, Thievery Corporation and Death Cab for Cutie, not to mention a grand deal on a used Blind Melon sheet music book. The artsy flame is back once again, I think it may be caused by my patchouli oil and massive amounts of espresso. Current events: there was a massive fire downtown at a really neat antiques auction house that I never got a chance to go into. It was quite a sight, and for Monroe it was a big deal. My coffee house downtown reopens Monday due to an apartment fire above them, just when I want to go to open mic night this happens. Anyways, I will be writing again soon, I am thinking of topics to write about as we speak and will have a new schedule commin up hopefully by monday. Ta-ta for now my book and new cd's are calling me. PS..Im in search of a track jacket and not a new one, if you happen to spot the saught after item please tell me.

Can someone cover for me?

2005-02-10T23:09:00.000-05:00

Ok I am still alive! Been too damned busy to stop and chat with my friends, damn me! Anywho no exciting news to tell other then I went to the North American Auto Show when it was in town, pics to come hopefully soon, got my tax return back and by now have spent most of it. Valentines Day is comming up and here's my plan, I am cooking a special dinner for a special guy whos just a friend but little does he know that I am setting it up like a regular upscale rest. and hired my "little" brother to waiter for the night. Now if I dont score brownie points with this I dont know what. You tell me if that's not charming and a lil romantic, Ill tell you more after it has happened dont want to give out too many details just in case someone is looking on here. If I am still single after Monday please send photos and resumes directly to my address, no serial killers, or psychos need apply please.

Oy! The Justice..

2005-01-18T19:28:00.000-05:00

Well I should have named this blog neglection Part Deux, but I didn't. Once again it's been a little while since I have shared my thoughts with you. So let's get the small talk out of the way first.... This weekend is my 2 favorite guys Birthdays! HAPPY 25TH ERIC AND JASON!!! This weekend you will most likely find my downtown D-town once again. The infamous Car Show is going on, I can't wait to dream and drool all over the new cars that I cannot afford. Even better, there is a huge Winter Festival going on downtown, there's music, food, ice skating and a 200 foot snow slide. Small talk is over, but I am going to tie my small talk into some current events. Speaking of Detroit, today on my ride into work I was listening to WJLB and overheard a wonderful little story on Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Here's a little info for you: 1. The Super Bowl is coming to town shortly, new businesses are opening up, renovations are being made to the slums and weed over-grown parking lots. People are losing their jobs left and right in Detroit. I think it's totally fair to cut jobs and wages to try and fix a horrendous mess that should have been fixed a long time ago ( I hope you caught my sarcasm) 2. No matter how much they "try" to "fix-up" Detroit (I use those two terms lightly) Detroit will be Detroit. People from out of town will not feel more safe because you cleaned the weeds out of the parking lot by Ford Field, they will not feel more safe because you tore down an abandoned building. These things should have been taken care of long ago. Those run down houses could have and should have been torn down and re-built as affordable housing for the working people of Detroit. Abandoned businesses should have been gutted and used either for homeless shelters or for new businesses. I know a few local artists that would give an arm for some working space, I know a few independent business owners would love to have a small quaint little space to sell their wares. Now that was the brief history and editorial, back to the radio. They announced today that there was a brand spanking new Red Lincoln Navigator purchased in Detroit, but not by a wealthy doctor or entrepreneur but by the Detroit Police Department. Hmmmm, a huge RED Navigator, to be used for undercover drug busts. Damn I know if I made a living off selling drugs in Detroit and a huge red SUV was pulling up I would go straight to that window and sell them drugs. Is it not asinine that they would used such a luxurious car, cruise it around town and buy drugs from all these people. I think the people of Detroit, especially ones who chose that type of work would figure that one out rather quickly. So here's the kicker, the Mayor's wife was either seen or wants to drive it (don't quote me it's what I heard on the radio) It seems to me that while all these job cuts and poverty in Detroit are happening, the police dept and especially not the Mayor or mayors wife should be purchasing such things. If you are an official ( and I am not knocking the Mayor or Detroit, I love Detroit, it has so much potential) in a time of change and need, I would take the 5 karat studs out of my ears, I would ride the bus to work, get to know the people, experience what everyone else has to experience on a daily basis. These officials need to understand why America seems to be so angry, where's the justice? Why should they parade around in barrages of expensive cars and wear the top of the line suits, why would they, to rub it in the face of the poverty stricken, and the working class? Does it make them feel as if they are irreplaceable, or better then the people they are overseeing? This leads me into my next argument. Inaugural Ball is just around the corner. Now, my friends know and my enemies know that I did not support President Bush in the last election nor the election before that, however, he is the President and there's basically nothing I can do about that. What I can do though is speak my mind (since it's a "free" country, right?) I totally see the point on spending millions to have 9 Inaugural Balls for a President that was re-elected (maybe), well with the mud slides and flooding and tsunami's we need a little fun right? Anyone, I mean anyone, right wing, left wing, green party, poor, homeless, rich, working, welfare whatever.... would see the need for this (once again I detect some sarcasm) Couldn't we take that money that would be spent on these elaborate snooty balls and send some over to California, and the rest of the West that was flooded and torn apart, why not send some over to the Tsunami victims family? Why not take that money and try to get people off of side walks and feed hungry mouths here in our country. I see the point in sending BILLIONS over to Iraq to rebuild people that are basically ungrateful for our so called help. Take that money Mr. President and disperse it to all the fallen solders families, since everyone knows that they get next to squat after losing a son or daughter, after sending their children off into an unnecessary battle against corrupt people that are not going to change on our account. This is a free country, this country is fair and just, if you have the money and know the right people. I stick up for every underdog and every top dog that truly deserve it. We needed a change, one was promised but never given, and not recently, this has been a promise ever since I was old enough to understand the words out of Mr. Reagan's mouth. I am a 23 yr old left wing, liberal. I am also able to see both sides of a story, what I don't understand is, why can't anyone else, if I can do it, it is certainly not hard at all. If America would get off it's high horse and realize there are others in this world, they were born the same way we all were, they put their clothes on just like us. Why do we get treated like were of a different breed? It's just my opinion, I know it doesn't really matter, but it matters to me. I have a strong passion for justice and fairness, ask my friends.

Coffee and books....

2005-01-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

This morning me Mustang and I got stuck in the driveway. I didn't make it to work untill 12:30 and that's only because my father had to take me. Work sucked as usual. Right now I am once again in an "artsy" phase all I really want to do is paint and read and listen to massive amounts of music and hang out at coffee houses and shop for vinyls. It's actually getting hard to get up in the morning knowing that I have to go to work and stay at my computer till 5. Hopefully that feeling will pass shortly. I am now officially addicted to coffee, I have to have at least 2 cups a day in order not to get a headache. I want to go to school full time so badly right now, but I can't. Here's my vision for the upcoming year: Work full time till summer, hoping to get all my bills paid off and if not paid off at least at a managable payment. In the fall I want to attend school again full time and work part time to support my cell phone and car payments. I cannot wait to have my time occupied with homework and books and notes again. Right now I don't really have a new goal to work towards besides the bills and it's depressing. At least with school I could meet new people and learn things, I feel like a vegetable right now, I had to start reading books not a book at a time but 2 or 3 at a time just to feel satisfied. I recently found myself wandering through my lap tops Encarta, just to find things I have never heard about and to read about them. Im cared Im going to start memorizing the phone book or somehting if I dont start classes soon. More to come tomorrow. Email me with any odd questions or suggestions.

State and Main.....

2005-01-11T01:08:00.000-05:00

I love Ann Arbor, it is one of my favorite places. I stopped by there tonight for some light shopping and a trip to my favorite coffee house Espresso Royale on State St. They have the best Raspberry Mocha, it even beats Borders, which is pretty damn good. While at ER I stumbled across a flyer with a web address, which promotes the stand against the Inauguration. You can visit it here... www.progressivesolidarity.com . I thought it was neat, and for friends of mine I already sent you an email on it so please pass it along. Anyways, happenings for this week, catch me Wednesday night either at the multi-sports complex for my brothers hockey game or downtown at Cafe Classics for open mic night. Wish Jerry still worked there, I could get the hook up on some coffee. Still haven't put any of my art up there yet, someone needs to give me a swift kick in the ass. Next Tuesday I will be at the Majestic on Woodward for the Scissor Sisters concert and this weekend you'll probably find me at Erics' or in Ann Arbor.

Dislocated....

2005-01-08T01:37:00.000-05:00

There are many things I can tolerate, but there's a few I can't. I can't tolerate wannabe poets/indie/punk shits. I don't want to hear your whiny bullshit, it doesn't make any sense. You're not original, or indie if you're writing and wearing and speaking the same things as the rest of your punk/indie friends. I think I may just hate poetry all together. Dislocated is exactly how I feel right now, I don't want any part in anything right now. I want to be by myself, doing my own things not worrying about others or having others pry into what I am doing. You make me sick you desperate whores who jump at the chance of a dick talking to you. You make me sick when you screw around with love as if it were it were a toy. You make it hard on the rest of us who really do care and dont screw around on significant others. You make me sick left of center religion pushers. Keep it to yourself, stop pushing you ideas on me when Ihave enough of my own. Stop dragging innocent people down with you. You're not rebellious if you don't have a good reason to rebell. Go back to your shit hole job, your ignorant boyfriend, leave what I've built up the hell alone. I just feel like life is out of control right now. Im sick of everything and everyone. If I hear or see anything that pertains to some whiney ass "punk" "poet" wannabe I am going to barf. Stop whining so much and maybe you would be able to get something done. Dislocated is only the beginning, I wish I could just detach myself from everything and everyone.

Sigh.....

2005-01-05T23:10:00.000-05:00

Well tonight I watched "Garden State", it was not what I expected. It was a mediocre film, wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be, there was a good romance plot, but other than that it would not have been worth it in the theaters. My day was pretty boring, long and boring. I've been on this computer pretty much all day long. I am going to put together a mix cd for Eric, perferrably an ecclectic mix of "chill" music in which he really isn't very educated about. I am also starting a new book titled "The Undesirable Lightness of Being", by Milan Kundera, it should be interesting.This author also made another book titled "Laughable Loves" which seems like it as well would catch my interest. Nothing to do when the weather is bad except read and poke around for new music. Hopefully we will get slammed with 5 inches of ice so I don't have to go to work tomorrow; I don't like being bore but it sure beats being bored, half asleep and parked in front of a computer at work.This is my newest idea for my future home, I want to purchase 2 king sized Tempurpedic beds and cover them with a down matress top. I also want to cover it in baby pink silk and velvet. I want to be able to actually sink into the bed and stay there for a few days. For now though I am dealing with my cotton leopard print sheets and kitty kat pillow cases on my twin bed. I am off to hit that small bed so I can let my feet dangle out of the sheets and let an arm hang out under the headboard and ruffle the sheets. Hopefully I will be writing tomorrow as well that means I will be at home with spare time on my hands and you know I am not about to get out of my pj's, so I will be happy and content.

And...GO!......

2005-01-04T13:36:00.000-05:00

Well Happy 2005, hope it's going well for you. I didn't get a New Year's kiss, as usual, someone was allergic, just kidding. Got some really nice gifts for Christmas and had a good time with friends and family. I want to give a thanks to the Webb Family for letting me stay and drink NY'S Eve and thanks to Eric, for snoring all night. Hehe! Anyways another year another resolution. Im not telling what it is though. So I'm rested and ready for another year, and more wonderful experiences. I'll let you know all about them when they happen. Oh, one just did, a huge thanks to my working partner in crime for the spectacular Chippendales 2005 calendar, thanks to he my day goes a little faster, becuase all I can do is stare and droll over Mr. January. If you want a peak at it email me or catch me at the Magic Stick and Majestic on Tues the 18th to see the Scissor Sisiters.

Enough is enough...

2004-12-28T21:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder. I am in another one of my moods, blame it on the love stories marathon. I find myself fiening more than what I have again. There's a huge rumbling of energy inside me right now, but I never know what to do with it as usual. It feels like there's a ball of light and energy and sound just rolling around in the bottom part of my chest, it needs to be put to good use, but on what? I spend way too much time day dreaming of love with a certain someone, and extremely too much time on the love I had. I am somewhat independent, I should be able to move over these things. The new year is approaching, somehting needs to be done, but I'm not sure what. I think staying away from romantic French films may be one of the resolutions. Nah, that's my vice. Well anyways, a new year, doesn're really mean much to me right now except to buy a new calendar and start another diet/exercise regiment that I won't stick to. Another year sitting at the same computer at work, watching the clock to hit 5. Dreaming of how my life could be going. I wish someone would just step up and take me over. There's one person who I can't get enough of, and for some odd reason I keep flocking back to him even though he has no intentions or ability to take me over. I seem to be the one that takes him over, not be force, but more by his hand. Am I being a baby? Yes. As usual. Anyways, here's to a new year, an old flame, and an even older dream.

Revalation....

2004-12-17T11:46:00.000-05:00

Well, once again I find my self pondering the idea of religion. I started watching a movie last night called "Left Behind" (courtesy of Terri, thank you) it is about the book of Revalations, which has me wondering again just how good of a christian am I? I had a dream last night, it was a warm yellowish orange light with a cupped hand, and I remember getting this feeling in my chest like a panic/excited feeling but it was ok. I went to touch the hand and I pulled back and asked myself "what if it's not real?", then I heard someone say "don't fight it, you have to believe" So that's exactly what I did and I ended up touching this hand and got this really excited feeling again like it was taking over me.It was refreshing. It could have been that I was just so tired and waking up myself by not breathing because I was so relaxed and semi-unconscience. So, I think it is trying to tell me to figure out what exactly I am, and what I am here to do. Saturday night is a church service at my church, I am there.

Where's my key?

2004-12-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

So much pent up energy and no idea on how to use it. I feel like cleaning the whole house, painting a few paintings reading a few book watching some movies, etc., etc., etc. Work was long and boring as usual. I'm cranky today anyways, I just want to sleep all day tomorrow but I cant it's our offices anual Chrsitmas party/gift exchange. Of course I bought a great gift for my Secret Santa gift, when have I ever been one to give a shitty gift? What's even more impressive is what I picked out for Eric this year. I can't say what it is now but you will know after Christmas. Tomorrow night is coffee night as usual every Wednesday night at Cafe Classics for open mic night, hopefully a little game of Tetris since now I am hooked. Talked to my best friend Todd today, can I give a shout out to PA! WOO WOO! He said they have got at least 6 inches of snow just from last night, does this mean a skiing trip for Mandy? Possibly. And on the bad note, the planned surprised Bachelorette for Friday night for Poonam is off due to her train not getting in until Saturday, that still didn't stop me from buying her the ultimate nighty and thong set courtesy of Victorias Secret. I can't wait till she gets in town again, she's such a sweetheart. Can't wait to go to Chicago on Christmas day to see Poonam get married. It will be fun of course, with Carmen, Angie and I driving there. We pondered the idea of staying at the Hilton, but there werent very good remarks on the hotel website for feedback. I think we're going to be going with the Westin near O'Hare with the "dream beds" in the luxury room. We'll see. Well, I am going to hit the hay now, maybe catch a romantic movie before sleeping, although I just purchased this lavender eye mask which is heaven, I slept like a baby last night. Ta ta for now fans, come visit me at the Cafe.

Did I miss something?

2004-12-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well, It's been awhile friend. Had to catch up on some blog reading and emails and eBay purchases. Once again I have succeeded to ignore my baby blog. This tells me I am not a person who can be depended on very easily. Anyway, I have a good excuse don't get me wrong, how can I possibly take time out of my busy schedule of working, hanging out with Eric, and repeatedly watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's" to write in my blog. Darling I've been having the most devine time playing "Tetris" and beating Eric in bowling. Shopping is a must as well today, hopefully since it is 2:09 pm and I am still in my pajamas. Imagining a more glamorous life has been occupying my time, I just can't seem to ever have enough money to support my ideas. One day darling, I will answer my door of my French mansion, in my feathered heels, dripping in diamonds, sipping champagne, glowing under the reflections of the crystal chandelier. You can come to my door anytime. In other news, while I was reading the locals blogs I ran over this little survey which was a little different from the others. So you say you want to know more about me, here goes......

1. Three names you go by: 1. Amanda 2. Mandy 3.Kid

2. Three screen names you've had: 1.Lookingforacutecowboy 2.Devilinablackthong 3.PlatinumJ74
4. Three things you like about yourself: 1.My eyes 2.Sense of humor 3.Hair
5. Three things you hate/dislike about yourself: 1.Stomach 2.Indecisive 3.Coward
6. Three parts of your heritage: 1.Czechloslovakian 2.Heinz 57 3.French
7. Three things that scare you: 1.Balloons 2.War 3.God
8. Three everyday essentials: 1.Music 2. Mascara 3.Compliments
9. Three things you're wearing right now: 1.Capri jammy pants 2.Matching tank top 3. White Initial Hoodie
10. Three favorite bands/artist you like at the present time: 1.Head Automatica 2.Dashboard Confessional 3. Dean Martin
11. Three favorite songs you like at the present time: 1.La Vie En Rose 2.Beating hearts Baby 3.Portland,Oregon
12. Three things you want to try next month: 1.Lose weight 2.Skiing 3.Learning more French
13. Two truths and a lie: 1. Signed up to join the Army (post 9/11) 2.Sucker for romance 3.Love my job
14. Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given) 1.Honesty 2.Humor 3.Devotion
15. Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you: 1.Facial hair 2.Eyes 3.Broad shoulders
16. Three things that you just can't do: 1.Speak what's on my mind to friends 2.Ice Skate 3. Make a first move
17. Three favorite hobbies: 1.Shopping 2.Sleeping 3.Reading
18. Three things you want to do really bad right now: 1.Shop 2.Move out 3.Start a relationship
19. Three careers you've considered: 1.Pharmacist 2.Teacher 3.Artist
20. Three kid names you like: 1.Victoria 2.Ava 3.Joel
21. Three things you want to do before you die: 1.Live in France 2.Watch my child get married 3.Fall in love completely
22. Three places (you haven't been to before) that you would like to visit for a vacation: 1.The Bahamas 2.France 3.Italy

So there's some extra tid bits for you of course with my indecision problem there's a lot more than you think. I want to give a shout out to my Mom, Happy Birthday. Wish my luck on my shopping adventure today. "It takes exactly four seconds to get from here to the door...I'll give you two." until next time.....

One day my prince will come....

2004-12-03T10:49:00.000-05:00

Cinderella? Nah, just getting my hair and nails done for a mjor social event tonight. Its the annual MCAR X-mas Party, time to mingle and schmooze with the local snoots. Kidding, it's a good time, open bar, good music, and best of all I get to deck myself out and look beautiful for a night. I have my "retro" look skirt and cardigan outfit picked out and Im hoping my gwen stefani hair do will look exceptionnal well, all I need now is some very sexy red lipstick (Clinique be ready here I come) Anyways I will let you know tomorrow how the evening went Im so excited. Wish me luck darlings. Toodles.

I want to rip my heart out...

2004-11-22T15:09:00.000-05:00

Well, not really but when you're feeling what I am feeling right now you would understand why I say that. Oh no, my life is not sucking right now and no I am not depressed, actually I am the opposite. I've been having a wonderful time with a certain guy, which I pray to God he doesn't still read my blogs, or I will feel totally exposed in front of him. I have never felt the things I am feeling now and it's stupid because we're friends, nothing more, from what I can see, but even right now my heart is racing and I feel a little anxious writing this. When Todd and I were dating, I was on the urge of being absolutely in love now that I think of it, however I never got this feeling I am having now with him. I am probably analyzing too much again, but when you've had a friends since freshman year of highschool, you've liked ever since, you stood on the sides and watched him with other girls, then finally giving up on following your quest to get him to notice you as more than a friend, and now pour some of your heart out to him and he responds a little is a major deal to me. I never really knew how his relationships were until he opened up a little and told me, of course it wasn't out of the blue, I have done my share of telling some intimate things to him as well. He's single now, you're single now, what's the hold up? Rejection form the one person I have always had on a pedestal in my mind. If he actually knew exactly what I was thinking he'd probably freak out, or maybe it's just exactly what he wanted. When you've like someone for a long time, and feelings never changed it's hard for me to get across exactly what I want to say. I'm a girl, why should I have to? It's stupid for me to say that, even though I would never have the balls to actually make the first leap, maybe. But, this feeling it's a little bit of a rapid heart beat, nervousness, shakiness, an urge to just latch on and never let go. I would feel so embarrassed if I did actually leap across the car and plant one on him. I have to get it out, I am not psycho, I'm fiening. I am fiening something that I have needed for a long time, that I never had with anyone else. Now if only I could see in the future and know exactly what would happen, or what he'd think. So pray to God again he doesn't read this and think I am psycho, pray to God he doesn't read this at all, on the other hand pray to God, he sees exactly where I am coming from and realize the word "hurt" is never a word I use in a relationship. I've given nothing but total devotion in relationships, never once cheated, never once broke up on bad terms, never once hurt someone so bad to cause them to stop loving. The hang ups are nothing to me, as far as I am concerned there will never be a hang up, a flaw (besides being casually late sometimes), a horrible secret, a freaky habit. When you feel like I do, this person can do no wrong. This is why I want to rip my heart out, so I don't have to deal with any emotion ever again, I don't want to be hurt, nor do I want to hurt someone. If I just got rid of my heart I'd feel nothing and live life the same. However I can't, and I am pretty sure no matter what happens, that feeling will always be there, maybe not as strong, but it will be there. I don't want to be standing on the sides this time but I'm not brave enough not to be.

A light at the end of the tunnel...

2004-11-18T10:27:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful time last night after a very confusing, stressful, hectic day. My anxiety attacks kicked in mid day and I just couldn't seem to calm myself and ended up leaving work early. After my heart was racing and my blood pressure was up and it just seemed like it didn't want to come out of me, my chest was tight and I was starting to get a migraine, it was horrible. So after leaving work an hour early I went home to walk into more chaos since we're doing some small alterations to the house before the holidays hit. I managed to sneak off into the basement for a half an hour and read a chapter in my book. Brennen had a hockey game at 7 last night, and after the fiasco on saturday I was very reluctant to even go to the game. They lost as usual, but it was good seeing Brennen out there on the ice. Afterwards, Eric and I went to dinner, had a burger and a shake and talked till 2am. That was the highlight of my whole day, being able to have someone listen to my bullshit. I was very shocked at some of the things that were up for conversation, not shocked in a bad way but more of a "you can fell comfortable around me to basically tell anything" kind of way. So, he knows more about me and I feel I know a hell of alot about him. And Todd, after our little chat, I'm still chicken shit and need some more encouragment. If I ruled the world you know exactly how it would be run, so I need a kick in the ass again, if you'll be so kind.

When life is hard you have to change....

2004-11-08T14:12:00.000-05:00

Not that my life is hard in any means but the lyrics from my all time favorite band put it best I think. It's time for a change again, yes my hippy ass didn't want to believe that Saturn or whatever planet went into another retrograde, and that it really would effect my life right now, but I can honestly say I see a difference. I am a little more cranky then usual, I am analyzing everything, and I am in desperate need of a change again. So here's the plan, #1. My Room, it's a disastrous monstrosity of a space. It's piled with dirty laundry, magazines and mail I need to go through yet. My art projects are sitting up against my walls half finished just waiting to be tickled with my paint brush again. It is definitely time for a new bed dressing, I love the leopard print but it's going to go. I feel so weighed down in that room, and I've been having weird dreams, usually when I have unusually weird dreams it means that I'm not comfortable with something in my life. I'm going to go to Borders sometime this week and pick up a clearance book on Feng Shui, see if it makes a difference. #2 Relationships, I have not been the best friend lately, not returning phone calls, not answering my phone, I feel like I'm in a slump. This week I am focusing on returning phone calls maybe even some hand written letters of apology for being a horrible person. Angie, is a sweetheart, she'd do anything for me but for some reason I just don't call her back, she's at the top of the list for apologies. #3. Daily Routine, ok so I haven't been the best with keeping the diet, so today I started over again, I have to keep this promise to myself because I am gradually starting to see that I am not faithful to any promise I make usually, that's why I don't make them. Although I am not a big fan of exercise, I am starting up the old yoga videos again, and yes I will begin another strenuous session at the YMCA with the little brother. Believe it or not, for a 14 yr old, he's one hell of a trainer. #4 Money, Finally I am out of the red, after that little fiasco at the ATM, I realize that I should never have a card taken away from me because of my stupidity. So, Christmas is coming, I am saving up for that and other then that I am saving my damn money, and hopefully by summer I will be all caught up on bills and be able to move out. So there it is in writing, my friends will read this and I am sure if I am not doing something on this list I will hear about it, and I am hoping they will be there for me to remind me I am trying to put my life in order once again. Any suggestions from any friends or others will be helpful, please feel free to leave one. Any "help" books friends want to pass along or advise would be greatly appreciated. Eric, do not under any circumstance let me go in your room and get a BigKat, even though I will be craving one and want to kill anyone who stands in the way. Here's to a new year a little early I guess.

I'm running for office...

2004-11-02T10:22:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today is Election Day. As usual I have already placed my vote and don't ask which way I vote because if you know me you already know I'm a liberal, tree huggin, gay marriage supportin, protesting, indie hippie.I catch a ton of slack from co-workers about my party selection. Really, I think it's hilarious to get my co-workers so upset over such nonesense comments about how liberal I really am. Either way, Michael Moore would be a good friend of mine if I had the chance to meet him. So, today I am in line waiting to vote, when young, sweatsuit wearing young male moron asks me..and I quote.." Who are you voting for?". Now normally I don't care to answer that question but in line at a voting both really wasn't the place (nor time since I had just rolled out of bed) to ask me such nonesense. In response to my "ummm, don't you think that's personal especially in here?" he proceeds in a loud tone of voice that he is proudly voting for Bush. Now I've been downtown Detroit at insanely late hours of the night, hell I've been in Chicago late at night and not think anything of it, but for some odd reason those words comming out of his mouth so loudly at the voting booth I was scared to death. I seriously looked around for people pulling handguns from purses getting ready to shoot this man. I should have known better since most of Monroe stand for the Republican side of the road. Either way, it's scary that people like him are even allowed to vote (look what happened four years ago when this guy voted). When I elected President, I will pass a law that requires all votes to take an IQ test, as well as a Common Sense Test. So vote for Mandy in 2008. I will cut taxes, I will have health care for all the working, and for the non working I will ship thier lazy 16 yr old asses out of the country with their 5 children and 10 lbs of crack. Like I said before if you don't like what I have to say let me know, but for people that know me, they understand. On that note, I'm Mandy and I aprove this message. Kerry in 04'!!!

Neglection.....

2004-10-11T13:25:00.000-04:00

Ohhhhh! I am a negletive mother to my baby blog. Well it's been a little while since I have written here so let's update. One week ago today, I found myself volunteering for the democratic committee here in monroe, doing a little phone banking. Granted, I am not necessarily a democrat, certainly not a republican, but it was an expereience none the less. The first phone call I made I was abruptly interrupted in the middle of my speach by the woman on the other end slamming the phone down in my ear. The coffee house was on my next stop last Wednesday night. Nothing too special with that, the same people the same singers. Friday night was homecoming at Monroe High, were I spent my friday night working with my mother in the concessions and with the band. It was nice and busy till it poured down rain, then it got suckey. Saturday and Sunday I did nothing. So this Saturday I went down to Trappers with the boys, to hear some music from the always hottie Dave Carducci and his friend Rob Robinson. They are good musicians, they have a neat chemistry going with the 2 of them. Let's see I ended up drinking two huge mugs of beer which quickly made me dizzy and slurring words, so Eric drove me to his house. I think I am ok to drive so I proceed to drive to my house but only made it a quarter of a mile down there road where I stopped at the La Salle fire hall and called my mother at 2:30am. So I sat for a while and waited for them to come get me and then went to bend and woke up with a huge headache. So anyways, it was fun. I am looking into some topics to discuss on here, becasue I am sure my arguing over nonesens things are more entertaining then my life story. So for now I will go, and I PROMISE I will be back in a little bit to debate some issues.

What a night.....

2004-10-03T15:03:00.000-04:00

Well I want to thank Matt for having the best bonfire I have been to ina long time. It was cold out, the fire was huge, and there was plenty of beer to go around. Once again, Im not one to hang out with new people I don't know but for some reason, I found myself haning out with totally new people. Tony, and James are some new friends I met, surprisingly they were not turned off by the beer drinking, trampoline jumping crazy. To my surprise Tony (who is adorable) takes a liking to girls with shoter hair and piercings (umm that's me)! Getting home at 6 am, we had a blast last night, I have never been treated like I did last night by any guy. Tony and James are two awesomely sweet guys, who for some reason wanted to make Kati and I feel like queens for a night and no, nothing happened, stop that you should know better! We heard compliments all night, one right after another. So, cheers to two wonderful guys, and some more good times to come. You can find me downtown today at St. Marys' Park for a concert, then maybe catching a flick (Ladder 49, mmm Joaquin) And as for another person, you can always be too nice to an asshole. I learned quickly last night that I am not ever going for a cig or beer run for someone who is nice to my face and then turns around and treast me like shit. You know who you are, and it's ashme you turned ou so horribly. Hope you find your virgin whore, cherry hunter!

If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?

2004-09-30T18:42:00.000-04:00

Well another month gone by and I still feel like I have been spinning my tires. Same job, same residency. Nothing ever seems to change (can you tell it's kind of a depressed day?) At work today all I could think about was getting the hell out of there yet I don't have anything to do after work, so why the rush? I feel so tied down there, nothings exciting anymore, nothings surprising anymore. It's the same thing everyday, work with the same people, sit int he same chair at the same computer, listening to the same people bitch. IM IN DESPERATE NEED OF A CHANGE! Yes, this article contradicts everything I said about change. I was blessed with the honor of meeting some new people last night. I drove down to the coffee house with my brother for open mic night, and ended up meeting an outgoing spirit there named Gerald (Miguel) hehe! Anyways, I normally do not just hang with people I do not know but for some reason this guy wanted me to go down to 129 Lounge with his and some friends. Let me tell you soemthing, it was an awesome time, for the first time in my life I wasn't shy around these new people and I am defintely looking forward to next Wednesday night. So with some new friends and the potential for a new job, life seems a little bit more brighter, until Tuesday comes and it's back to the same routine. I am heading out with my brother this weekend, who knows where, we have to hit the movies to see Ladder 49, a movie with Johnny and Joaquin? HOLY SHIT! MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED. I also have been keeping track of my horoscopes, only after they are to happen, just to see if they are even close to what happened. Honestly, they have not been all that far off, and for those fo you who know me, there was an especially haunting one about never never land being right in front of me and whitin reach. You know exactly what I am talking about. Change? Is it really a bad thing? Maybe, I may regret all the choices I make soon, or they could totally change my life and give me that kick in the ass I needed. So if anyone wants to spice up my life this weekend let me know, come find me I'll be more than happy to chat with you or hang with you. Bring on the change, bring on new things for me to do. Tomorrow is a totally different day and month, it's my month to shine with only 18 days till my birthday. Wish me luck on a new month and new experiences. I'll tell you if anything is better or worse. Out with the old in with the new.

It's all about the music...

2004-09-28T17:29:00.000-04:00

I don't think I'm on the same level with my friends. Not saying I am better than any of my friends but thinking wise I am just not there. I was told by my mother not too long ago that I was "wierd", this is after she has read all my little blogs here. She doesn't understand the way I see things, and I am beginning to think neither do my friends. My tatse of music, my rationale my attire, all totally different from my friends, so I ponder exactly why I have friends since I am so different form them. Here's a little step into my world, I have the absolute most amazing friends on the face of the earth. There's Kati, who at first put up with a lot of my bitching, whining, etc etc, thanks to Lexapro and a better outlook on things I am able to listen to her now. We have been friends for quite awhile now, even thought she gets on my nerves (and vice versa I'm positive) I can always overlook it and still be friends with her. Kati you're amazed that I'm still friends with you? No, you should be amazed that you're still friends with me after all the shit we've been through. Then there's Eric, I have known Eric my freshman year of Highschool. Eric is the epitomy of total studliness and may I add he's quite a gentleman. Eric at first was hard to read (I read people like I read music mags) I could never figure out if he was happy or upset, and he was always careful with what he said and did around me. At first that was charming I guess but now I am more relaxed, carefree, I could care less what you did or didn't do in front of me. Since I am not the best person with an opposite sex relationship I have top say Eric has also put up with a ton from me. I quickly learned that LaSalle isn't that far away from me and guess what? Eric likes going other places besides a fancy dinner party once a year. Sorry Eric for dragging you along, for making you wear all those suits and ties, and for being a total dip infront of you most of the time. Jason, let's see what can I say about Jason? Jason frankly scared me the first year I knew him. For those of you who don't know these 2 guys they are twins so whem I'm explaining total hotness, studlike, manly guys it goes double. Yeah I know ladies it's great being me, and no don't even think about it. I've also known Jason since my freshmen year, you we're never really careful infront of my, which I am not at all complaining about. Jason is an outgoing, curious spirit. You can and WILL always have a good time with him no matter where you're going. I think Jason has been the person to let me realize it's ok to loosen up and do what you want. Todd, well we have been through a lot, is it 4 or 5 years now? You're the first to teach me how to love. You taught me how to think without boundries. You made me realize there was more music out there besides N*SYNC (kidding) You've listened, you've trusted when you shouldn't have, and the listened some more. You've taken a lot of shit from me, and still talk to me on a daily basis. It's scary how two people can think on the same level and be interested in the same things. I've learbed a ton from you and felt that I've taught you a ton also. You've always been there for me right on the other end of my cell phone (by the way thanks for making me realize how expensive peak minutes are) for whatever I needed. Then there's Brennen, my little (well not so little anymore) brother. Yeah we fight, hit, punch, spit, yell obscentities, and just normally hate each other, but there's no other person I would rather have for a brother. I have treated him like shit from the day he could understand how mad I was. Funny how things work out, even though I am surprised I haven't commited murder, watching him grow up has made me think about what kind of person I am. We would skateboard together, yeah and remember your first true punk experience at Warped? Now I can still see the punk underneath that Abercrombie exterior. I can hear the punk (quite loud may I add) everytime you turn your radio on. I know I instilled some of that punk in him, which is fanscinating to me. Now that he's in Highschool, it's like reliving my years at MHS all over again. I am sitting back watching him go through this knowing that he will be fine but still trying to be the protective big sis. Mom, the best friend of all even though we have our differences. My mother hears everything ( that I can tell her about) that I do or everywhere I go. She's been more than patient with me since I started breaking away slowly from the house. Granted I still live here, I'm not here as much and I don't get to here about her as much either. She's listened, she's punsihed, she's complimented, she's almost like a sister (and not because I look like a younger version of her or sound exactly the same on the phone) because she will always be there and listen to my nonsense, and no matter what "wierd" choices I have made and will make, she keeps me in line and understands where I am coming from.

So why title this piece "It's All About the Music"? Being granted the privilege to know and live everyday with these people in my life, I can easily put together the soundtrack of my life. Every person I know is totally different (yes even the twins) each friend has a totally different personality. I can easily find a song to best fit what it's been like living with these beautiful people. I know I haven't been the best friend, having people live so close and never see them, having a telephone and never using it, so I hope they forgive me for being so isolated sometimes. I pray that they never leave me in lifetime, and when we do eventually all leave earth, I'm positive that we will all be friends again.

2004-09-26T14:29:00.000-04:00

I don't understand
Posted by Hello

I don't even know how to respond..

2004-09-26T13:56:00.000-04:00

Some things are just disturbing. Ask my friends, I usually point out all the disturbing things. I may even be one of the disturbing things but thats for another story. I'm a stereotypical "underground" type of person, I try not to be mainstream at all, but sometimes you have to. While visitng a wonderful little site today www.michiganhardcore.plusminusrecords.com I stumbled across a little flyer that was somewhat disturbing. I cannot and will not ever understand why people make such big productions out of anything a little contoversial.

Alternative Lifestyles. For some reason people in general are a little freaked out by this whole gay/lesbian thing. I understand why so many people would be scared to be around a gay or lesbian person. Lord knows that if I am in a room with a lesbian woman she will try to hit on me or worse. Get over it! No one is that insanely hot or oozing sex that much that just some random person will attack them because of their sensuality. So far every person I have met has never had that much of a personality or great looks that would even make me want to jump on their leg.
A Different Breed. They are not aliens or a product of some Satan/Hedwig relationship. They are people just like you and I. They are living, breathing human beings, who aren't afraid to show what they believe in. Really it's a cliche.... The Gay Man....all gay men have a feminine side. Not true, all of them are not hairdressers, or designers. All gay men do not wear hideous scarves around their necks and all of them do not know "how" to dress. Lesbian women, (and I'm only using lables to get my point across) are not man haters. They do not all work construction and I am positive they all do not wear a mullett hairdo.

I do not understand why people are so uptight to thinking differently. Get outside of your little self centered world, try using your brain as a tool instead of cheese spread. I salute anyone who is brave enough to dedicate a whole lifestyle to what they believe in, hell, some christians can't even do that. Heaven forbid you get talked about by people you don't know, heaven forbid people disagree with you. You may not be the "cool" person, you may not look like Britney or Hillary, you are an individual. Each person was made different from every other person so why are we trying to become like the "important" figures were force fed on a daily basis. Get your ass away from the television, if you dont look like a beautiful sex pot that has money shooting out your ass, you will never. If you don't confess you love Jesus now , you never will. If you don't scream out your beliefes to the next random person you will fall into the category with all the others. Be somebody, be unique, stop fighting who you are, instead fight for who you're not. There's only so much time you get here, why spend it worrying about what others think, worry about who doesn't know you for your unique personality. Get over yourself, step down form the top of the pedestal and get in line with everyone else. We're all here for the same reason, to learn, to love and to be different. Don't hold your thoughts in about what I am writing, tell me, step out of your little world and tell me exactly what you think right now, or you may never break that lock and I would never be touched by another person again.

Ok, So maybe I was wrong....

2004-09-26T01:38:00.000-04:00

Amazingly enough, as soon as I comment about how shitty something is I turn around and get a face full of great times. Tonight I wandered downtown Monroe for the free concert at St. Mary's park. I took my brother and a few friends along. At first when we arrived there were not many people at all, still the music was good and the weather was excellent. I enjoyed the music like always but I can't say the same for Kati or Brennen. As the night progressed more and more people were flocking towards the park to see the Gunner Ross and TNT. Talk about bringing down the house, they tore down the house, cut it in little pieces, set the place on fire and threw the neighbors dog ontop. This band really rocked and so did the others but this one stood out. I had never seen such a happening event happen in Monroe. Now the only problem is, when will this happen again and why doesn't it happen more often. I've done my research on local bands and venues, granted Monroe really doesn't have a lot of concert venues, but why don't we have more concerts and events? It seems everytime we get a good place to party they take it away? I'm not sure if rent is high or people just do not want to stay here, either way there needs to be more places open for local music and art. I am impressed with the local coffee shop supporting artists, tonight I learned that I can bring my art work dowtown and display it, which means a lot to me because usually places only invite artists to do a show. Anyways I am tired I will write more on this tomorrow sometime. Eric, probably not a good idea that I have your cell phone, we can only ONLY, pray that Rayphe calls your phone tonight. Dear Lord, I know I haven't been the best christian but if you make her call his phone while I have it I will ....well wait maybe not. And Brennen, you're never too cool to be seen with your big sis at a local concert, I may not be hip with the lingo or the clothes (thank God may I add) but there's one thing I do know and it's music, so I'll never embarrass you at any concert. I take that back I would have to jump on stage naked and hop on Joey's back if N*SYNC ever get back together.

Shoulda Been A Trojan!...

2004-09-24T23:33:00.000-04:00

One time at band camp.... I remember those days like it was yesterday. High school for me was such an awesome experience. Now tonight I could only look at the marching band and think back to all the fun I had. Tonight was MHS first home Varsity football game, like always the stands were packed and the energy was high. My mother is the president of the Instrumental Boosters which they are the main people who run the concession stand and do the annual football program. Since I am the perfect daughter I help my mother out every football game with the concessions and programs and whatever anyone else needs. I feel important and my mom feels a little less stressed having me there. The team won, I can't tell you the score because I was too busy working, but I did take off time to watch the band during half time. It's almost sad to think that I will never be able to do that again, so now I'm one of the sorry stragglers that help out just to be near this band.
I came from a private Lutheran school, I had gone there since kindergarten, there were always 32 people in my class every year and every year it was the same faces. I reached 9th grade and got sent to a huge public school with I don't know how many thousands of kids. Overwhelming but exhilarating to say the least. Having some musical talent, I joined the marching band. No I wasn't a flute player and heaven forbid I play the clarinet, no ...I was (still am) a drummer. Here I am this little 9th grader girl in a huge new school and now I'm playing drums with 15 boys. Boys? Holy Shit, hot teenage boys that knew how to drum, I felt like a piece of meat but at the same time I felt I was on a pedestal. Slapping on a drum with large breasts gets you everywhere you would want to be in highschool. I quickly made friends with all the drummers and a few select trumpet players that wished they were drummers. It was such a tight group it was almost like a Mafia. We took no shit from any of the sorry ass wind players, we gave hell to the instructor, who can hear him yell when you have 16 drums hacking away at one time? I was an entity, soon I had a cadence named after me, even thought it wasn't the most clean cadence it was a cadence. Don't get me wrong I was never a slut in highschool and I still am not, but huge breasts and an interest in guy stuff got me everywhere. I never have felt like I belonged anywhere like I did when I was in band. Its amazing to be at attention staring at the crowd, them waiting for you to make a move. Finally the whistle blows and fast carry begins. All the hard work at the camps at Michigan State University played off. After a week of vigorous exercise some crappy food and gallons of water a day I would come out tan and a few pounds lighter, with a heed full of new music and moves. The dances at night and throwing undies out the window on the 6th floor of the dorm rooms was great. Sneaking out on lunch and walking 3 miles to the nearest mickey dee's to eat decent food, it was like breaking out of jail, but us drummers didn't care, if we were caught we said nothing, everyone takes the fall for everyone. I look now at the small drummers marching along and they still use the same cadences and still act the same, they think they have come up with new material but I remember when we did the same. I have the most respect for those drummers, and I hope they don't throw this time of their life out the window. Once your a drummer, you're always a drummer, you will have fellow drummers to fall back on, you will have fellow drummers to watch your back. Comrades, brothers, whatever, they made me whom I am today, a sarcastic, loud, sneaky, mischievous, drum beating girl. Thank you guys for making me feel that even though I have a vagina and breasts I can still kick the tuba,flute,clarinet,sax,and trumpets ass all with one beat of my stick.

This is why I'm Single....

2004-09-23T22:09:00.000-04:00

So, Im chatting on the computer due to pure boredism, and this unknown person sends me an instant message. Let me give you a little background on my life first, Im a tad "sheltered" as some certain person called me, which I thought she was wrong but I now know shes definately right. Im gullable to a point and even though im open minded I havent expereienced much outside of this town. On with the story, so I look at this charming dudes profile on yahoo, he's hot, total hot grad stud from Ohio. What the hell is he doing talking to me? He's a Notre Dame fan, I'm in love. He snowboards, is into music blah blah blah.....this is where it gets good. He asks me my interests, of course I tell him music, reading, painting etc. I ask the same and do you know what his reply was? Of course you dont, but youre about to find out. His interests are getting hurt by girls. Yes hes totally into dominant women, and hes always up for a good nut kicking. At first I laughed it off, it had to be a joke, but when he asked to clean my house naked and then be kicked in the nuts for not cleaning it the right way I was a lil disturbed. How can this gorgeous 24 yr old grad student from down south be so into this? WHAT THE HELL IS HIS PROBLEM? Little do I know after I research this a little thanks to Google.com he's not the only one. To my surprise there are a lot of men out there wanting this kind of abuse form women, why? Im not sure. So here's my advice to all the single girls just starting to date someone new, kick them in the nuts just once if he begs for more drop him, unless you like that kind of stuff. More power to you young studly grad, but you will meet your match one day after you get done cleaning a house and Helga rams your nuts up to your nose.

Whats wrong with this picture?

2004-09-23T21:49:00.000-04:00

Is it me or is there really nothing to do here? I'm so interested in music and art but I usually have to drive 45 minutes North just to get a taste of it. Sitting between Detroit and Toledo not to mention not that far from Cleveland why isnt there a bigger music scene here? I really like the idea of Cafe Classics open mic night every Wednesday, I almost stopped by when I saw what looked like a huge crowd of teenagers hanging outside. I wonder if they are thier for the music, certainly not the coffee I'm guessing. I think some just hang for the hell of it, which isnt bad but isnt good. I'm pretty sure the number of teenagers is greater than the number of college aged artsy farts like myself. Having a community college is good but take a look at Ann Arbor, its always exciting, things to do not one coffee shop but like 2 dozen coffee shops. We need some diversity here, we need more than one good coffee shop, we need a few more open mics, and a few new places for people like myself to hang. I feel at home in downtown Ann Arbor, Detroit, and South Bend, Indiana. On one of my many trips to Notre Dame recently I was observing all the surroundings and all the hang outs, and to tell you the truth I never really saw a ton of little kids roaming around, there might have been a few more elder people there but for the main part it was people of age 20-30 maybe. Here it seems that theres a ton of small children and Elderly people here; nothing wrong with that but it doesnt make the "scene" any more impressive. I need inspiration and a whole new culture to study and I cant find it here, if anyone knows where its at tell me please.

Me and my Star......

2004-09-23T03:06:00.000-04:00

Im listening to Coheed and Cambria on my way out to the country side, speeding along Dixie Hwy. Half a moon is out shining bright, its cool and the stars are twinkling. Im wearing a black tee and camo pants with my skateboarding shoes using my bitch glasses because I cant see all that well at night. Either way I'm on my way to my fav guys house to shoot the shit. I'm still feeling a little artsy and in desperate need of another creative outlet. I know I am certainly not the best writer, but I am having fun with this. The concept of writing whatever you want and having other people read it is just astonishing to me. But enough about me, My guys were charming as always. Always having something to chat about. We sat on the deck and looked at the stars as his sister and her girlfriend got into a pretty good argument. So its always nice to hear the cat purr and the girls fight. listen to the trains go by and hear the annoying scream of the girlfriend swearing at his sister. Either way thats pretty much my escape place, surprisingly its more peaceful than in the city. No neighbors lawnmowers at 8 am on a saturday morning, no kids running down the cul de sac screaming at the top of their lungs. Your neighbors know every move you make in the city, especially mine. I live on a little private drive theres a total of 10 houses on this street, everybodys business is everybody's business. I have a ton of stories about my street I will write about later. I have to hit the hay because 7 am comes quick. I need a clove and some tea and I am off to bed. By the way Kelly Rippa is a Libra also, this says a lot for the Libras of the world...right.

A chewed piece of gum stuck to a tire.

2004-09-22T18:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I don't mind doing the same things over and over again. I admit it I'm not one for drastic change. I find something or someone I like and I stick with it. I feel like I'm spinning my tires some of the time but when you really think about it, why would you change something you like so much. It reminds me of all the extreme makeovers; you have a handsome husband, he's a normal guy and you're just fine with that. Your male co-workers however are a group of elite sex pots, oozing with self tanner, smelling of some pricey toilet spray, and there's enough grease holding that couif in place you could easly make breakfast off his head. The washboard stomach you wash your frilly undies on, and you try to mountain climb to the his shoulders and plant your flag, well or he could plant his flag I guess. However, you are content and hopelessly in love with you average height, average weight, sports loving, beer drinking hunk of a man. He notices one day as he's dropping off lunch to you and he also picked up a few carnations on the way to your office, that the men you work with are more like caged, untamed animals waiting to pounce on their meal. He watches your face as you look at the half dead pink carnations and open up the Bologna sandwich which took him twenty minutes to make, does he see absolute surprise? Maybe he sees disbelief or maybe he doesn't see anything at all except, bulky sweaty men massaging your shoulders. He decides it's time to get a makeover. He plans a whole day away from you and gets his hair cut and highlights, he gets his eyebrows waxed, and a prince Albert hoping to put some spice on his wonder rod. He buys a suit and some pricey after shave. There's no more scruff on his face that would tickle you neck when you would hug and he's leaving a cologne scent on you after you kiss. You notice his lips are more soft than yours and his cuticles are immaculant. This isn't your husband, it's a clone of the caramel colored, cigar smelling, monkeys you work with everyday. Why am I fine without change? Change ruins everything. If I wasn't that tired old piece of chewed gum on the tire of the shiny new Mustang, I'd be stuck to the ground watching everything pass me by. That tire has taken me to many places, its showed me things I haven't seen before, it's my only companion. When you have a friend like that, you get so used to hearing their voice every day, seeing there face every hour, feeling them touch you every minute. Why change when things are so grand? What would possess someone to walk away from the only thing they have known. My suggestion to you is to stick to your tire, or else you may end up with a flat, blad tire that can not take you anywhere. You may end up like me wishing that things were the same everyday, having that security of knowing that your guy or girl is great not because of the way he looks but because of the way he loves. Love makes everything look and feel better. Without love it's dark, it's like I'm trying to climb out of the hole, I can see the light but my fingers keep slipping. Why don't I give up? When you have had something that strong affect your life you never want it to leave. You know who you are. You know where I am. Nothings changed.